This Christmas I've had the unusual experience of not feeling the spirit of the season. You can ask my husband I'm usually the one who gets giddy excited about Christmas music, decorating, making yummy treats, and celebrating but this year I'm just not excited. There are a number of contributing factors to my bah humbug attitude toward Christmas this year.
Topping the list include my daughter needing a skin biopsy done 5 days before Christmas to check out a growth we thought we didn't need to worry about anymore only to be surprised by it's rapid growth from 1 inch when we first noticed it at 2 month's old to growing to 2 inches over the summer, growing 2 inches more in a month totalling a growth that is now 4 1/2 inches wide and to be met with puzzled looks from doctors. Next my 2.5 year old finally hit her stride in the terrible two's about a month ago. I love my child but she's Jekyll and Hyde these days and you never know which you're going to get, up until about mid October I could pretty much pinpoint the problem when Carys was fussy or acting out, now it's anybody's guess to her shoe doesn't fit right or hair hurts or she simply wanted the purple cup and I gave her the blue one. We've had a lot of financial uncertainty this year my husband works for a well known Oklahoma company that had a ton of lay offs earlier in the year we were lucky and he is still employed there but it's been a stressful end of the year. Finally the loss of my mother seems to sting more this year than last, I'm not sure why that is but I find myself missing her more than I have in quite a while and it burdens my heart. I've not been able to find my joy this season and I'm worried I'm going to spend the whole Advent season searching for the joy that should be in my heart this time of year.
This post isn't meant to be a downer it's a plea for help does anyone have any thoughts on refocusing myself and finding the joy? I'm at a loss as to what to do I'm focusing on Jesus and knowing He is the reason we celebrate and I'm doing my best to give to others. I'm just feeling really out of sorts and needing to snap out of it. So if anyone has any thoughts I'd love to hear them.
Until Next Time,