Prayer is Powerful

I've been pretty open in sharing Carys's journey and allowing people to pray for us. When the news came of her MRI schedule date I immediately began praying and talking about her getting the MRI quicker since we put her on the cancellation call list. I posted on my FB page and I posted here about the dreaded wait and how I knew it would be difficult but with prayer we would get through it.

I didn't have to wait long for God to move. Thursday afternoon I got a call from an unknown number I almost didn't answer but I'm so glad I did. It was the hospital calling to say they had a cancellation the next day at 1PM and would we like to take that appt. Without hesitation I jumped at the chance to have the MRI done sooner. I am so thankful for the power of prayer.

Friday morning we woke Carys up at 4:30AM to eat some toast and drink some milk because she couldn't have anything to eat after 5AM. She ate her breakfast and went right back to sleep until around 8:30 AM. She was amazing and only had a minor melt down about 2 hours before the scheduled appt. over food. We were scheduled at 1PM but Carys didn't actually get sedated until close to 3PM she however didn't seem to notice the wait we watched "mickey mouse clubhouse" and played with toys in the prep area.

I got to be with her while the administered the "silly gas" to put her to sleep it didn't take long she had about two big gulps and was out. The MRI took about an hour and she recovered for about 45 minutes so we were there until around 5PM. When I went to see her after the scan she was happily sipping apple juice and chatting with the nurses, who at this point had all fallen in love with her. Carys was a little out of it and slightly loopy most of the evening and I would say the hardest part of our day was the car ride home. Poor girl just wanted to eat!

 By the time we got home and finally got her something to eat it had been over 12 hours since her last meal. Carys amazed me with her strength.

We were told we should get results within the next week and hopefully then we can continue to move forward and get definitive answers.

Until Next Time...

Mrs. A

WAIT....

WAIT...I feel like that's the only word in my world these days, as if WAIT is the only word that's ever spoken to me. First I had to WAIT for the weekend to be over to get something scheduled, and then I had to WAIT for Carys's doctor to actually be in the office to discuss with him he doesn't work on Mondays and when the nurse told me the doctor was off on Mondays yesterday I half laughed, half cried and said "of course he is", and then I had to WAIT for him to confer with Carys's pediatrician this morning. It was starting to feel a bit like no one cared about my little girl the way they were arguing over who had to schedule the MRI. I absolutely know that's not the case but I can't help but feel that way when it seems like no one wants to get the ball moving.

After a bit of a battle this morning between Carys's pedatrician and her dermatologist we finally got the MRI scheduled for her. However it's in February, it's the 27th to be exact two days after her 3rd birthday.That's a 7 week, here's that word again, WAIT. I feel as though my life the past few weeks well months actually has been a series of hurry up and WAIT moments. I hate that word...WAIT, I hate what it means for me, I hate what it means for Carys.

It means we'll celebrate her 3rd birthday still not knowing what we're dealing with, it means I get to wonder and try incredibly hard to stay positive and not get wound up or psych myself out for 7 weeks. It means I have to pretend everything's normal when internally I'm freaking the heck out for 7 weeks. I have to put on a smile and serve others at my work and serve my family without expectation and without concern for MRI and biopsies for 7 weeks.

If you can't tell I'm slightly irritated at the long wait. I understand that the hospitals are busy but it just seems extreme. I'm ready to know what it is we're dealing with. It's like I've said to many at this point I don't even care what it is I just want to know so we can move forward instead of feeling like we're stuck in this never ending.....WAIT.

I'm leaning on and trusting (TRUST is my chosen word for 2014) that God's timing is perfect but I won't lie I'm so tired of the...WAIT!

We did get Carys on the cancellation call list so if there is a cancellation we can be seen sooner, so fingers crossed.




Until Next Time...

Mrs. A

A Test Of Faith Part two..

So here we are again. For those of you who've been around for awhile. You might remember this post where I shared the scary journey of finding a lump on my infant daughter's left side. We went through scary scenarios and did an ultra sound and eventually a sedated CT Scan on her tiny little body only to be told a few weeks later. It's nothing don't worry about it she will surely outgrow this lump and it is not harmful to her. The doctor's exact words were "don't worry unless it starts growing"...

So we came out of that scary moment in time with a renewed appreciation for the precious redheaded fireball of a gift that we'd been given. We've strived from the moment we were given the all clear to enjoy her fully even in her frustrating moments. Well fast forward to this summer and every time I would bathe Carys I would feel as if the lump was enlarging, but I ignored it as momma paranoia until finally I decided in October she needed to be seen by her doctor and we needed to talk about this lump.

In October we saw Dr. Bowen our pediatrician and she agreed that it had grown and changed consistency. The lump was no longer a hard knot under the skin's surface it was now a sponge like texture and had grown to about 2 1/2 inches in diameter. Dr. Bowen referred us to a dermatologist and we saw the PA at his practice on 11/20. The PA said he'd never seen anything like what Carys had before and he wanted to confer with the primary doctor in the office. The PA took photos of Carys's side and did measurements on her and on 11/20 the lump measured in at 4 1/2 inches in diameter. In the course of a month and a half the lump had grown 2 inches. This concerned the main doctor so he recommended we do what's called a punch biopsy, basically they punch into her skin, pull a sample out for testing and close her up with a few stitches. So that was scheduled for 12/20. We were given a topical anesthetic to put on her side, and told they do the procedure in office I worried about keeping my 2.5 year old still while they cut into her, but I shouldn't have. We took one of her favorite movies on the Ipad and she didn't shed a single tear she was truly a rockstar and showed me just how tough she is.

So with the biopsy done we enjoyed our Christmas festivities. We built Carys her very own play kitchen and her grandparents supplied it with food, cooking utensils, and her very own tea set.

 

We were really proud of the fact that we built Carys's gift, (we used Ana White's plans from her book "Handbuilt Home")
Christmas came and went and I never felt like I got in to the spirit of the season. I more felt like I just went through the motions the burden of the biopsy results rested heavily on me and I tried to keep it that way I didn't want it to ruin anyone else's Christmas. Please don't get me wrong my Christmas was lovely I just didn't feel the spirit quite as much as I normally do.

Fast forward to 12/30 we eagerly got Carys ready to remove her stitches believing we would get the biopsy results then and we would know exactly what we were dealing with and how best to attend to it, whether that be surgery to remove it, or something else. Unfortunately we didn't get biopsy results that day because of the Holidays the lab was backed up and the doctor hadn't received results. With a promise of a phone call on Friday Carys and I left the doctor's office a little deflated but confident of clear results on Friday. I waited all day Friday for a phone call and finally at 3:15 it came in. The biopsy results were inconclusive, the mass extends past the skin surface, and an MRI will be needed to measure the girth of the mass and then based on those results there will possibly be a 2nd more extensive surgical biopsy in her future. To say that I am discouraged is a huge understatement. I feel like we're right back where we were 3 years ago. No answers more tests of both the medical and spiritual kind. I am tasked Monday with getting the MRI scheduled at Children's Hospital and she will have to be sedated for that test again because no one could expect a near 3 year old to hold still for 20-30 minutes heck I'm not sure I could hold still for that long. So needless to say 2014 has had a rather frustrating start. I'm praying hard that the rest of the year is much better.

Until Next Time,

Mrs. A

Finding Joy

This Christmas I've had the unusual experience of not feeling the spirit of the season. You can ask my husband I'm usually the one who gets giddy excited about Christmas music, decorating, making yummy treats, and celebrating but this year I'm just not excited. There are a number of contributing factors to my bah humbug attitude toward Christmas this year.

Topping the list include my daughter needing a skin biopsy done 5 days before Christmas to check out a growth we thought we didn't need to worry about anymore only to be surprised by it's rapid growth from 1 inch when we first noticed it at 2 month's old to growing to 2 inches over the summer, growing 2 inches more in a month totalling a growth that is now 4 1/2 inches wide and to be met with puzzled looks from doctors. Next my 2.5 year old finally hit her stride in the terrible two's about a month ago. I love my child but she's Jekyll and Hyde these days and you never know which you're going to get, up until about mid October I could pretty much pinpoint the problem when Carys was fussy or acting out, now it's anybody's guess to her shoe doesn't fit right or hair hurts or she simply wanted the purple cup and I gave her the blue one. We've had a lot of financial uncertainty this year my husband works for a well known Oklahoma company that had a ton of lay offs earlier in the year we were lucky and he is still employed there but it's been a stressful end of the year. Finally the loss of my mother seems to sting more this year than last, I'm not sure why that is but I find myself missing her more than I have in quite a while and it burdens my heart. I've not been able to find my joy this season and I'm worried I'm going to spend the whole Advent season searching for the joy that should be in my heart this time of year.

This post isn't meant to be a downer it's a plea for help does anyone have any thoughts on refocusing myself and finding the joy? I'm at a loss as to what to do I'm focusing on Jesus and knowing He is the reason we celebrate and I'm doing my best to give to others. I'm just feeling really out of sorts and needing to snap out of it. So if anyone has any thoughts I'd love to hear them.


Until Next Time,

Mrs. A

Submission

Mr. A and I joined an amazing church in 2009, we built relationships, I served in different capacities, and we were there all the time, then life happened we moved to our now hometown 20 minutes away from our church, and we had a baby a year after that. What seemed like a short little drive before Carys suddenly seemed like a huge obstacle in getting to church on time. We began turning down service opportunities because the drive seemed daunting, and the time away from family started to feel not worth it. We persevered because of all the great relationships we had formed and continued to attend said church then this past summer without going into detail our relationships got stripped down and we were left feeling unwanted admittedly mostly by inner wars we were facing.

Mr. A took this time to turn inward and see what God might be trying to tell us, I on the other hand was so hurt and confused I just let myself be a shell of a person. Mr. A came to the conclusion that our reasons for attending a church so far away did not make sense anymore and if we wanted to serve and be used by God we needed to be closer to home. When Mr. A presented this info to me I fought hard. I didn't want to give up my friendships, or the feeling of home I had at our church. However a few weeks later I decided to give this decision to the Lord and I felt pricked I'm to be a helpmeet to my husband and I'm to submit to his spiritual leadership, even if that means getting out of my comfort zone. So I reluctantly told my husband I'd consider it and I prayed hard about it. If I'm being honest here I prayed that God would change my husband's heart and he would no longer feel the need for us to leave. Instead of that happening God began to open my eyes as to why going local might be a good choice for us. I realized the door of my child being at home with me is quickly closing and soon she'll be in school in our hometown, and she won't go to church with anyone she goes to school with, and she won't have her church friends to hold her accountable. Opportunities to serve came open at our church and I found myself turning them down because of the drive or being worried about gas prices, or just plain not being excited about serving God. That was my wake up call that something had to change. So with tears in my eyes and hurt in my heart we said goodbye to our beloved church home on October 27th to begin the new journey of finding a church that feels like home in our hometown.

I learned alot about being submissive through this life challenge. I learned that submitting does not mean I have to like it but it does mean I have to pray for God to let me be open to my husband's leading. I learned that I don't have to just accept my husband's word without asking him to prove to me why he believes we need to do something. I'm called to be a helpmeet and that means helping my husband figure out the best solution for our family. In this case his list of reasons why we should try to find a local church was better than my reasons why we should stay at our home church. My earnest prayers is we find a wonderful new church home where we can plug in and serve, as well as feel loved and accepted for exactly who we are.

Until Next Time,

Mrs. A