Monday, July 4, 2011

The Big D.....

There is a big secret out there that new mommas just don't talk about they ignore it until they just can't anymore and then well it blows up into a big mess and your left with one adorable baby and one tired worn out and sobbing mama.

Yes my friends I am talking about post partum depression or PPD for short. When I was pregnant with Carys and we took the baby classes our hospital offered there was always a short little blurb the last 10 minutes of class about PPD but I always just dismissed it thinking no way it couldn't happen to me. Well my friends it did and I am still here, my baby is still the love of my life, I'm still me and I'm ok with admitting I went through and am still dealing with PPD.

My PPD manifested itself in severe anxiety I would be terrified of leaving the house afraid that my baby would be hurt somehow. At the point when I knew something was wrong I found myself afraid to carry my baby upstairs to her crib for a nap for fear of dropping her. So that evening I sat down I talked to my dear Mr. A and I told him all about the troubles I'd been having. He suggested I talk to my doctor so that's what I did even though I was fearful she'd just want to put me on medication, and at first she did but she also suggested I make it my goal to get out of the house with Carys at least twice a week. I am on medication and will be until Carys is six months old and I am ok with that.

I also decided to begin praying fervently for God to take this fear and this anxiety from me, and I had a daily entry in my prayer journal reminding me to be thankful for small victories. This all happened in late May and it took me most of June to work through the hardest parts but I am doing much better and even got out to the grocery store with Carys last week. We have been to the Farmers Market and even to Lowes recently also.

In my prayers of thanksgiving to the Lord for helping me through this difficult trial I have had Him nudge my heart to share this story with other mommas, soon to be mommas, and the general public. Dealing with PPD doesn't make me a freak it makes me like 75% of all mommas out there I'm just choosing to talk about it instead of feel ashamed. So if you're a momma dealing with PPD and you haven't shared with anyone please know you are not alone, and if you are a soon to be momma please know that if it happens to you it doesn't make you crazy or a bad mother it makes you human, and if you're not yet a momma or not even sure you'll ever be one or if you're a male go hug the new mommas in your life I assure they can use it!

Later Alligators...

Mrs. A