I have a curse in my personality well actually it's probably a blessing but most of the time I believe it's a curse. You see I'm very tender hearted which means that I can be watching a commercial that's supposed to be funny and if I see something that touches my heart that's it.........I'm in tears. If I hear a particular touching song on the radio.........forget it I'm gone. I have been known to cry during a really beautiful song at church or during moments of CSI or other TV shows.
The same is true when someone says something to me that hurts my feelings I may not outwardly show it but inside I have hot tears streaming down my face and later they will probably become real. I tend to take everything said to me to heart like it was directed at me. This is a bad habit to have when working in a team office environment. There are many days I leave work analyzing why this person or that person doesn't seem to like me or what I did that upset them that day. It becomes sort of a ritual everyday I spend my ten minute ride home wondering what went wrong that day even if the day overall was good. I am very bad about letting one sour moment in a day ruin the entire day for me.
I often find myself praying to understand a situation and to understand why I react certain ways. Which I don't believe in and of itself is sin. It has been said that having wisdom is knowing one's self and being able to identify strengths and weaknesses, or curses as I like to call them. The problem arises when I replay the occurrence of what I took wrong in my mind over and over again. I am the person that believes it's best to confront conflict when faced with it. Which again this by itself is not considered sin in my book.
However I tend to rehearse and replay situations in my mind for days and sometimes weeks before I attempt to communicate with the person I feel slighted by. This is where I believe I fall into sin because by the time I actually talk to the person I have no compassion left and I'm usually more upset than when the incident occurred.
I analyze everything right down to way I brush my teeth it's a habit I can't help it I was born with this characteristic and it's just a part of what makes me well me.
My problem arises when I begin to analyze others and trust my own conclusions instead of the ones that God gives each of us as christians.
The Golden Rule states to treat others as we would like to be treated and I can't say that I'd want to be analyzed by me. So the question posed is it sin, well yes I believe analyzation of a person that causes doubt of them and causes mis-trust is sin.
So what's a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve to do. I think the answer lies in analyzation of myself I need to realize that my self-worth can only be found in Christ and stop worrying about something said or done that may or may not be directed at me.
In the end does it really matter whether or not someone wronged me or is it more important how I treat the person later on. As a Christian woman I am called to love others whether or not they love me back, and whether or not they bruise my tender little heart.