Friday, April 15, 2011

the post in which I whine about going back to work & other things

PSA: This post is nothing more than a gripe and whine session written by a teary eyed new mom who had to return to work this week if you don't want to read a lot of whining feel free to visit me another day.

Well it's Friday and that means a heck of a lot more to me this week than it has in a long time. You see I started back to work this week and it's been pretty much the week from Hades. There are numerous things about being back at work that I am not enjoying but the number one thing is having to leave my sweet baby at daycare for 8 hours a day. Talk about sucky! I knew that leaving Carys would be hard heck I cried leaving her with her daddy to go to Target for an hour, but I seriously felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and stomped on.

I have literally bawled my eyes out all the way to work every single day uh so forget about wearing make up there's just no point, and then to make matters worse my well meaning co-workers will ask how she is doing and I will squeak out "she's fine" and look away before the tears start again. I have a picture on my desk of her but am thinking of removing it since looking at it always makes me tear up. To make things even more complicated I am pumping at work to keep my milk supply up and for Carys to have bottled breastmilk at daycare, the only way I can get my milk to let down is to look at pictures of my sweet baby and I even have a few videos so then I spend my entire pump time silently crying over missing my baby only to have to pull myself together to go back to my desk.

Pumping sucks plain and simple there is nothing that feels good about being strapped to a machine three times a day and that's not even mentioning my co-workers are not being very supportive about me needing to pump, I'm getting a lot of questions over how long I will need to keep up this schedule, and why am I  bothering breastfeeding and comments such as; I should just give my baby formula (There is nothing wrong with formula and until we got Carys' issues worked out she was getting formula and she still gets the occassional formula bottle at daycare if I can't pump enough to keep up with her I just have a desire to breastfeed), or even I should just give my baby cereal as early as possible to cut down on the need for breastmilk. I just smile and say uh huh while in my head thinking please don't tell me how to raise my baby. Working mothers have a tough road and if you get to stay at home I envy you, I want to be you but please don't judge me for having to work I am judged enough at work.

My heart is aching and I just want to be with my baby. Me thinks Mr. A and I have a big talk coming over how much my income is really needed or how we could at least get by on me just working part time.

Sorry this post is a big downer :( but it's how I am feeling and I never claimed to blog for any other reason than to express my feelings, thoughts, and ideas.

Later Alligators...

Mrs. A


Katie @ Loves of Life said...

People are idiots. They always have unwarranted advice to give. Always. Opinions are like buttholes. Everyone has one. I'm sorry you had to go back to work. I imagine it would be so hard. I know pumping sucks, but girl, do what you WANT to do. Not having supportive coworkers sucks, but do what YOU want to do. The law protects you.


Mrs. Lukie said...

I'm so, so sorry :( You do what is best for you, Carys & Mr. A, and try not to let what your coworkers (or anyone else, for that matter!) have to say about it.

I think it's great that you've chosen to continue breastfeeding, even if that means having to pump 3 times a day at work.

I wish you the best of luck with your talk with Mr. A about possibly staying home, or moving to a part-time position. I am choosing to continue working full time after Baby L is here, but I am fortunate in that I am able to work from home--so as long as I get my work done, within 40 hours per week, I'll be okay. I know it'll be tough, but I do have the luxury of being home & not having to worry about my babe at daycare all day.


Melanie said...

Going back to work and leaving your precious girl at daycare would definately be the pits! I dont blame you for how you feel and your co-workers sure arent helpful at all. Breastfeeing IS the best thing you can do for your baby..your doing an awesome job by pumping at work..keep it up and ignore everyone else! Will be praying for you!

Callie Nicole said...

Oh, I'm not looking forward to going back to work! I'm sorry you've had such a rotten week. I'm not looking forward to dealing with pumping either, because my patient schedule is gpoing yo make it pretty difficult. I'm sorry they're not being very supportive! I hate it when people make comments trying to tell you how to raise your baby. :-(

Mrs. S. said...

I have been back at work for a month now. I will say that it has gotten somewhat easier, but by Thursday and Friday, I am ready to get out that door! The crying stopped a little after the first week, but I did end up in tears yesterday because I wanted to cuddle him all day!

I am sorry that your co-workers have been a little insensitive to your feelings and wishes. I have never understood why people think they can say what they want to new mothers. We are hormonal messes and just want people to tell us we are doing everything right, not question us. Maybe tell them it is not something you feel like discussing so they will leave you alone.

I agree with Mrs. Lukie, maybe you can find something part-time so that you can still make an income, but be home more. I feel blessed because even though I work a normal schedule now, being a teacher, I get the summer off. I am counting down the days!!

Good luck with everything! I know we don't really know each other IRL, but if you need anything, don't hesitate to pop on over to my blog or I would be more than happy to give you my email!

Mel1 said...

sorry people are being dumb up here with their comments!! people are soooo selfish!! i'm here for you if you need me to kick someone!! don't listen to anyone but your heart. you are doing great ginger! luv you!

Ashley D. said...

Wow! Kudos to you! I am a stay at home mom, but I admire mothers who work. My mom worked, and I know the hardest thing she ever did was leave my sisters and I in the care of a daycare or sitter.

I am also so inspired by you! You are pumping at work and trying to do all the right things you feel you need to be doing for your baby! Who cares what everybody else thinks! Your amazing! You're working and pumping and mothering and being a wife. You're a champ!

Thanks for stopping by my blog! :) I am following you now too, and of course I don't mind if you stick around! :)

Have the best week you can! I know it's hard!