The Big D.....

There is a big secret out there that new mommas just don't talk about they ignore it until they just can't anymore and then well it blows up into a big mess and your left with one adorable baby and one tired worn out and sobbing mama.

Yes my friends I am talking about post partum depression or PPD for short. When I was pregnant with Carys and we took the baby classes our hospital offered there was always a short little blurb the last 10 minutes of class about PPD but I always just dismissed it thinking no way it couldn't happen to me. Well my friends it did and I am still here, my baby is still the love of my life, I'm still me and I'm ok with admitting I went through and am still dealing with PPD.

My PPD manifested itself in severe anxiety I would be terrified of leaving the house afraid that my baby would be hurt somehow. At the point when I knew something was wrong I found myself afraid to carry my baby upstairs to her crib for a nap for fear of dropping her. So that evening I sat down I talked to my dear Mr. A and I told him all about the troubles I'd been having. He suggested I talk to my doctor so that's what I did even though I was fearful she'd just want to put me on medication, and at first she did but she also suggested I make it my goal to get out of the house with Carys at least twice a week. I am on medication and will be until Carys is six months old and I am ok with that.

I also decided to begin praying fervently for God to take this fear and this anxiety from me, and I had a daily entry in my prayer journal reminding me to be thankful for small victories. This all happened in late May and it took me most of June to work through the hardest parts but I am doing much better and even got out to the grocery store with Carys last week. We have been to the Farmers Market and even to Lowes recently also.

In my prayers of thanksgiving to the Lord for helping me through this difficult trial I have had Him nudge my heart to share this story with other mommas, soon to be mommas, and the general public. Dealing with PPD doesn't make me a freak it makes me like 75% of all mommas out there I'm just choosing to talk about it instead of feel ashamed. So if you're a momma dealing with PPD and you haven't shared with anyone please know you are not alone, and if you are a soon to be momma please know that if it happens to you it doesn't make you crazy or a bad mother it makes you human, and if you're not yet a momma or not even sure you'll ever be one or if you're a male go hug the new mommas in your life I assure they can use it!

Later Alligators...

Mrs. A

Nursery Reveal....better late than never!

Here was our starting point: tan walls and bare room

When we had everyone over for Christmas we had our family write prayers to Carys on the wall before we painted.

Mr. A writing his prayer:

me writing my book uh I mean prayer :)

Carys' sign on her door, I bought the C from Hobby Lobby and painted it and added the chipboard letters for her name and the ribbon hanger:

View when you look in the door:

Her crib and wall quotes her bedding is blossoms by Migi

quotes above her crib are from the song "The Words I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets and the cross is from my bestie :) the quote on the right says "be strong in the Lord and never give up hope" and the one on the left says "you're gonna do great things I already know" I heard the song a lot when I was pregnant and I would envision myself singing the words to her and I actually do sing the song to her now.

close up of the cherry blossom tree decal 

her bow holder that's already full 

This armoire was in her daddy's nursery and we repainted it and added new hardware for hers:

All the art work in her nursery was painted by a very dear friend these are on one side of her window

For her curtains I wanted something that would go with her bedding but I couldn't find anything so I took apart the crib bumper since it's a no no to use them and I sewed the fabric onto the curtain panels and presto custom drapes to match her crib set.

lanterns above her changing table these things are very helpful when changing her cause she just stares at them :)

More custom artwork above the changing table.

changing table

cute little owl on one side of the window:

close up of the art work above the armoire and one of her cutie newborn shots the silver dish is holding pacifiers.

my glider that was a gift from my wonderful in laws :)

view in her closet we added the curtain for a closet door to soften her space thank you Young House Love for the idea :)

her closet is the biggest one in the house so we painted it petal pink and added tons of storage including the glimpse of that little towel bar for her cute little hooded bath towels :)

So there you have it our baby girl's nursery finally complete and just in time she started sleeping in there a week ago. I hope you enjoyed my nursery tour I am really proud of this space it was my labor of love from painting the trim glossy white, to the bright green walls and soft pink closet and all the little details. Now on to the next room my craft space!

Later Alligators....

Mrs. A

stay at home mommyhood

So I've now been at home with my baby for a few weeks. Life as I know it has definitely changed my boss is no longer an adult but a sweet 3.5 month old. No she's not really my boss but sometimes I feel like since we feed on demand around here. My first fews days at home were completely surreal and I wasn't sure what to do with myself, but by the end of the week I was starting to get the hang of it. I learned that I'm probably not going to be tackling a whole lot of big projects for a while but I can do small things  while Carys naps, I've also learned that I need a mom's group or some form of adult communication during the day at least twice a week. I've learned that netflix is my BFF for something to watch while nursing, and I've learned that I'm not super mom. My house isn't spotless, dinner isn't always on the table when Mr. A gets home, and some days I don't get out of my PJ's until way too late in the day. I've also learned that this is all ok. I'm only human and learning my new role is taking some time but it's a great learning experience and I'm really enjoying spending my days with Carys.

I'm a worrier by nature and I tend to beat myself up if things don't go exactly as planned. I did it when my birth plan went down the drain after learning I had to be induced because my amniotic fluid level was at a dangerous low. I also did it when breastfeeding didn't go as smoothly as I would've liked at first. So I'm sure you can guess that I did it when my first few days home I didn't get my house clean, heck I didn't even get the laundry caught up. I am constantly having to remind myself that I'm only human and I can't do it all.

Sisterhood

There's a sisterhood that exists between women of all ages young and old, blonde, brunette, redhead, silver haired, short tall, small, large, it does not matter your marital status, your age, your last name, what college you attended, or if you like a certain color.

You only get initiated once but once your in you're in for life, there are lots of trials in this sisterhood, and lots of amazing moments. There are times we won't always agree with our sisters, and times we'll lean on them for support, there are tears, laughter, frustrations, and joys greater than you can imagine.

This sisterhood this amazing bond that exists is even celebrated on a special day just for us.


My initation happened on 02/25/2011. The day I first got to hold the title of MOMMY.

My first day as a mommy with my mom by my side.

Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing women out there who are mothers, mothers to be, or even those who desire to be mothers. I am honored to join the mommy sisterhood.


Later Alligators.....

Mrs. A

big Grins

I'm not the only grinning these days I finally caught my sweet girl's killer smile on film :)

That smile makes me just melt and I love that I was around to capture it :)