Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Ugly Land

Dear Blog World,

I am writing today from a little place deep inside my heart I like to call ugly land. I have had one of those days that it doesn't matter how hard I try I just don't like what I see in the mirror and because of that I just recoil and stay to myself in fear of others affirming my worst nightmare that today I'm an ugly person. Ugly on the outside ugly on the inside. I've thought ugly thoughts I've gotten irritated more than once for no real reason and I'm definitely not being the light to a darkened world today. In fact I fear the opposite is true so much so that I removed the cross necklace from around my neck before I left for work this morning. I simply couldn't bear the thought of wearing it when my heart was not in the right place.

Yes my dear friends I'm having one of those days it's that feeling of just not being up to par with the rest of the world. My ears and nose are particularly gigantic today, my hair is all sorts of wrong, my make up just seems to highlight the flaws I'm trying to hide, my clothes don't seem to fit right and everything is just wrong. I find myself throwing a pity party of 1 just for me. I despise when I get like this and generally just get angry at myself and usually it's the times that I do not blog because well who wants to listen to yet another woman in the world complain about not feeling pretty or trying to live up to the world's standards of beauty. Then I remembered that post where I talked about being real and well my friends there you have it this is me today finding myself in need of lifting up. I try my very best to not get so wrapped up in appearances that I forget to look at the true woman underneath but sometimes when it comes to myself I just can't get past that broken sinner staring back at me.

I have to hope I'm not the only one who visits ugly land occassionally and I know the only way out of my funk is lifting others up and reminding them of their inner and outer beauty. So I'm going to do just that!

Ladies let me be frank some of you out there do not know your own beauty or if you do you're incredibly humble about it. Reading through my blog list this week I've seen holiday card pictures, pictures taken by other bloggers, pictures of you with friends and family, or even pictures of you showing off your adorable baby bumps. I'm always taken aback by how beautiful you all are. Not only in pictures but in your words also. I was fortunate to read a fellow bloggers testimony this week and I had tears in my eyes reading it because it was so heartfelt and genuine and I could tell God was going to do great things with that testimony.

I am blessed to read each of your writing and so thankful that I've found my way through the internet to your corners of the world. Thank you for taking the time to write each day. Now I think I'll go ahead and take my leave from Ugly Land because discontentment brews there and I have no reason to be discontent.

Later Alligators....

Mrs. A


Rachel H. said...

Hope you have a better day tomorrow! I think that we all have these days where our hearts just aren't in the right place and nothing looks right! I've been there for sure!!

Mrs. Lukie said...

I too hope you have a better day tomorrow.

And for the record?
1- I first thought you were beautiful based on your blog posts, before I had seen pictures of you.
2- Your pictures haven't failed to are as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside.
3- I envy your style, as in fashion style. You always have THE cutest outfits on. Things I wish I could wear but don't feel like I can 'pull off.'
4- We all have days in Ugly Land, so don't feel so alone! Vent away here...we love to lift others up when they're in need :)


Just Add Walter said...

so sorry you are visiting ugly land... it is not a fun place to vacation. Hoping you are back to yourself soon! We're here to listen whenever you need to talk!! You are not alone!

Katie said...

Hi sweet lady...

first of all, we all visit ugly land (and I love this term...) quite frequently. In fact, too much. We're so damn hard on ourselves (excuse me, but its true!). You are a gorgeous lady on the INSIDE and out...and although I've never met you, it pours through your keyboard onto your blogs and sweet comments. You have truly been a blessing to my life in blog-world (which is ultimately, my real world).

Just like you were saying that some of us don't know our true beauty--the same goes for you too, my dear. I'm not sure you realize just how genuinely beautiful you are in more ways then one.


Swapna Raghu Sanand said...

Your post was so touching. I felt overwhelmed. We all have our moments in Ugly Land, just like you do. It's only the frequency that differs a little.

And I completely disagree with you. You look beautiful and I think perhaps you need to change the mirror because you are a beautiful person outside and inside, God bless.

Mrs.LifeAccounts said...

You are truly beautiful! Don't give Satan the chance to worm his way in and convince you of anything different. It's so easy to give in and let it wash over us and take over, and some days it seems impossibly hard to "fight the fight". I've been in a funk lately myself but have just been trying to ignore it and keep on keeping on, I'll be praying for you!

Llama said...

Oh no sweetie! Reading this makes me so sad. Don't worry I believe that everyone takes a trip to Ugly Land every now and then. But you really need to take a deeper look into that mirror and see what everyone else sees. You are gorgeous both inside and out...and I know we are only "bloggy" friends but sometimes I find strangers to be even more honest then people who know us. Keep your beautiful head up girl...and smile.

mrs.leah.maria said...

I know you're well past this feeling, as I'm a little delayed, but do know that you are beautiful.

christi said...

thanks for your honesty. i visit ugly land, too. thankfully, our god is greater and our husbands and friends treasures to help pull us out. love yourself today-- in the way of a bubble bath, a pedicure or quiet time in a park. and know always, that i find your posts beautiful because they are written from the heart.