Carys is 19 months old.

My precious little baby is fast turning into a big girl. She eats straight table food these days, sleeps 12 hours, and is the happiest and sweetest girl ever. We are abundantly blessed with our little ray of sunshine who is fast becoming not a baby anymore.

She loves finger painting, and cooking with mom, watching football with dad and playing with Missy our family dog.

Her favorite hang outs are The Science Museum, the zoo, and the grocery store. Girlfriend loves the grocery store.

This precious little girl of mine she lights up my everyday I find myself often wondering what I ever did without her.

My little baby is turning in to a little lady!

Letting go to Let God.

It never ceases to amaze me how God works in our lives consistently behind the scenes working and weaving together in intricate detail exactly the path we will take. The last time I posted about our family dynamics my husband and I were learning what it meant to be a household in which both parents work and our child goes to daycare. Well alot has happened since then and I can't even begin to explain how much God's hand has been in every detail.

We did the double income daycare lifestyle for an excruciating 7 months. I hated only seeing our precious daughter a few hours each night, each morning and on weekends. Let me get one thing straight this is how I felt just me not some all being power saying daycare is evil blah blah just my momma heart and my desire to be more involved in my child's day to day life.

I began praying fervently about 4 months into our routine that something would change some way would be made available for me to spend more time taking care of my family and less time in the office. Then life got even more ridiculous as we added Saturday work to our schedules, hoping the extra income would help us to work more fervently toward the goal of me being home. It did help but it seemed like we kept getting hit with random stuff, and the money just wasn't working as hard as we wanted it to, not to mention we were constantly ill due to not eating well or resting as much as we needed.

All that changed about 2 weeks ago when I got offered a position with the wonderful organization we'd been working with on Saturdays. The hours were evening allowing me to be home during the day I'm off on Fridays and I work Saturday mornings. I've been at my new routine now for a little over 2 weeks and I'm loving every minute of being home with my princess and knowing that when I leave her it's daddy's turn to take over and I still get to contribute to the family income. Granted it's not 100% perfect Mr. A and I have to be very intentional about our couple time and Friday date night is sacred in our home. But the benefits far outweigh the negatives and right now this works for our family dynamic. It's an added bonus that I'm working for an organization I truly believe in. I get to be a part of strengthening families and marriages everyday and I feel like I am right where God wants me to be.

I prayed fervently for a bakery job but the more work I did from home the more I realized the joy in cake decorating for me was that it wasn't a job. I began to realize maybe God was leading me down a different path and as I surrendered my own dreams God awakened something bigger inside of me and I truly feel like I had to let go to Let God and I love where He has lead me.

Later Alligators....

Mrs. A

a letter to new moms link up

I'm linking up from E Myself & I for a letter to new moms!

Dear New Mom,

Congratulations you did it! Welcome to the most trying and beautiful time of your life! I know you're feeling all sorts of things and you know what everyone experiences motherhood differently I assure you it's normal if you're thinking you weren't really ready for this and you have no idea what you're doing. A few words of advice don't be so hard on yourself momma you're new at this you'll make mistakes you'll learn and you'll be better for it. Remember this phrase "it's only a season" or better yet remember the bible verse from Ecclesiastes 3:1

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: These words will mean the world to you when you are "stuck in the trenches of motherhood" with your first night of all night screaming or teething or sickness or worse. It will seem like forever when you're in the middle of going through it and once it passes you'll look back and see it really was the blink of an eye. Don't be afraid to feel and don't be afraid to admit it if in your gut you think something is truly wrong either with you or with your baby. I was embarrassed when I first realized I might be dealing with PPD (post partum depression) and I ignored it but it grew and finally I couldn't ignore it I sought help and I was so glad when I did. PPD is nothing to be ashamed of it does not mean you are a bad mother it doesn't mean you don't love your precious child, it just means your hormones are out of whack! Don't feel ashamed if this happens to you! It happened to me I lived through it! Don't be afraid to ask for help and find a few great moms that you trust with kids just slightly older than yours that you can lean on and turn to for advice through each phase and that's it stick to those women for advice and politely ignore everyone else! Everyone will have an opinion and everyone will be convinced that they know best but guess what you are MOMMA with a capital M to this child and you and only you know what's best! Trust your heart and continually pray and you'll be amazed at your own strength. Welcome to motherhood it's a crazy ride full of joyous moments, terrible tears and amazing love! You can do it mom! God's right there every step of the way loving you and your child! Love, Mrs. A

Mother's Day....I am finally ready to write about it....

I avoided it I didn’t want to talk about it I avoided people’s sympathetic glances, I even avoided my Google reader for a few days hoping to not have to read all the tributes to all the great moms in blogger land, and I tried to enjoy my Mother’s Day. But I had a huge gaping hole in my heart that made it incredibly painful. I posted on Facebook the week before Mother’s Day that I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide until the day was over. 

I didn’t do that I got up got dressed, pinned on my white corsage with silent tears at the fact that it was white and not colorful (I guess this is a southern thing if you’re a mom and your mom is still with you on mother’s day you wear a colorful corsage symbolizing not only you are a mom but you are celebrating your own mom, if your mother is no longer with you then you wear a white corsage memorializing her through flowers) and went to church I endured the displays of affection for moms trying to enjoy being a mom myself. I endured the painful video and beautiful songs in tribute to mothers. All the while missing mine, I breathed a sigh of relief when our Pastor informed us that he would not be delivering a typical warm and fuzzy mother’s day message.

I returned home from church and put my precious girl down for a nap while I prepared to host my in laws for what should’ve been a day of celebrating. My family tried they bought me gifts, Mr. A even baked for me, Carys was exceptionally adorable  twirling and dancing around the living room, my heart should’ve been bursting at the seams, but I just felt empty inside and I felt so guilty for feeling that way. I sat later in the silence of my living room after our family had left and  Carys was asleep with tears streaming down my face and quietly prayed asking Jesus to wish my mom a Happy Mother’s Day for me. I am sure that future Mother’s Days will be easier but this one was quite literally the second most painful day of my life. My comfort is knowing I at least got to celebrate one Mother’s Day as a mom with my mother by my side oh how I wish there had been more.

with my favorite girl the one who allows me to celebrate Mother's Day

he baked for me :)

he did a really great job I was proud

Carys's gift for Grandma A and yes she loved it.

I haven’t felt much like writing I’m still dealing with a lot of hurt, and I’ve been so busy just surviving the day to day that I haven’t taken the time to take inventory on myself and how I’ve truly been feeling. I miss the therapy of writing my words down, I miss the happiness of recording joyful memories, and most of all I miss the blog community….

Later Alligators…

Mrs. A

Menu Plan Monday

Meal planning is something I am pretty good at I can plan delicious home cooked meals all day long it’s the executing that I have a problem with after a long day at the office usually the last thing I want to do is cook. So I try very hard to prep my meals on Sunday so that I have less work to do during the week it makes my life a  little bit easier. So I have already, made the spaghetti sauce for today’s meal and cut the squash for frying so all I will have to do today is throw the breadsticks in the oven,

I’ve also already cut the chicken for tomorrow’s salads into cubes, made and froze the pancakes for Thursday night and made and froze the hamburger patties for Saturday night. Doing this little bit of prep work early on makes for a much smoother evening meal time. I’m slowly learning the tricks to running a household, being a mom, and working full time. I am guessing just about the time I get it figured out I’ll be ready to leave the corporate world to stay at home with my kiddos.

Monday:

Spaghetti with Meat sauce, fried squash, breadsticks

Tuesday:

Chicken Ceasar Salad with fried apples

Wednesday:

We eat @ church on Wednesday nights

Thursday:

Breakfast for dinner

Pancakes, eggs, bacon & sausage

Friday:

DATE NIGHT so we’ll be eating out

Saturday:

Grilled teriyaki burgers and homemade fries

Sunday:

Italian chicken with garlic pasta and steamed broccoli.