Tuesday, May 12, 2009

focus shift

As Relay week inches closer and closer I am faced with the realization that in just a few short weeks my work with Relay For Life will be at an end (at least for a while). I'm happy about this to an extent because I need to to take some time and focus on things that make me happy and at peace, however I'm also conflicted I feel like I'll have so much time on my hands. So, I have decided to focus on and re-examine my 101 in 1001 goal list and recommit to some of the things I might have forgotten as well as tweak some of my goals a bit. Mostly I just want to focus on taking care of my family and my home, but I also want to put renewed energy into my health and fitness routines, cooking, and most of all growing in my faith because I have become very complacent.

I had posted not too long ago about thinking very seriously about Culinary School and you know what I'm 95% certain that's where I'm headed in a few months, my heart lies in making people happy with good food and beautiful designs. I am passionate about making beautiful food and I can't wait to perfect that art even if it might mean giving up a high paying job later on. I have prayed extensively over this and over the course of the last few weeks God has really been speaking to me and helping me realize big homes, and fancy cars aren't all there is to life and loving what you do is equally if not more important than how much money you make.
Jeremy and I are working very hard to be debt free when we buy our home and we're getting there. We have talked and believe we could afford the less profitable career for me. Plus you never know God works in mysterious ways and maybe I'll be more profitable doing something I love other than something I just tolerate doing.

I definitely want to take better care of our apartment I'm ashamed at how disgusting I've let it get but I'm working on it every night this week to get it cleaned up and ready for being fixed up and we are staying here for a while.Finding another rental place within our budget that accomodates our dog has proved to be impossible. So for now our apartment is home although we recently discovered if we sign at least a year lease we will get free reign on fixing up our apartment and if we do this I might be more comfortable with having people over. We've both decided we're not going to let our small space keep us from inviting people into our home any longer. So stay tuned there are apartment updates to come.

I also need to take better care of my husband he does so much for me and when I was on crutches he waited on me hand and foot and now I need to repay that by doing the same and taking better care of our shared space. I'm also helping him fix up his new office at work.

Not being able to run until July is just killing me. I never in a million years thought I'd miss something I'd just started as much as I do. I have decided as soon as my ankle is 100% healthy I'm going to begin training for a 5K and try to get one in this year. There's one here in the City in October that I'm contemplating running.

Also I've been on sleeping pills for 3 months now and I almost feel as though I couldn't sleep without them. I loathe the idea of requiring a pill to fall asleep at night and have vowed to do everything in my power to fight the insomnia naturally without medication and beat it. My goal is to be sleeping more than 5 hours a night without medication by October. It's a lofty goal and one I'm not 100% confident in but I've got to try I've got to give it everything I've got to be able to sleep on my own again. I don't want to be unhealthy and relying on medication at only 24. It's possible for my body to heal itself from this sickness and I'm going to do everything in my power to help.

As far as cooking goes my husband made a comment about cooking healthier so I'm really trying. I've decided I want to try my hand at homemade bread, and homemade granola so I'll be posting about those adventures soon.

Finally I have been so complacent in my faith only just barely getting in my prayer time of an evening I haven't been doing so well on the morning thing. I'm sick over this I need God and I need to continually grow in faith to keep going and I've totally let Him slide away in the busyness that is life.
Starting in July because I'm weird and like to start all new routines at the same time I'm going to start a short Bible study in my down time between getting off work and picking up my husband I usually have about a 15 minute wait on him since I get off at 5 and he gets off at 5:30 so that's the perfect time to fit in some prayer and studying.

So this is my focus shift it's sort of like I've been focusing only on others and it's time to take the opportunity to focus only on me and my family for a bit. Is that selfish? Maybe a little but if it's what is necessary to me being at peace then so be it. I'm not giving up my life altogether just cutting back for a while.

Later Alligators....

Mrs. A


Chelsie said...

I love this post! Good for you on every single bit of it!

magnoliabelle said...

Omg! You literally took the words out of my mouth. Now that my Relay is over, I've made the decision not to do it next year. In one way it's a relief. In another, it makes me kinda sad. And like you, not quite sure what to do with my time. I'm excited and looking at it as God's opening my life up for something new! Good luck with your new endeavors and know that you've got a fellow free timer.