It is with a heavy heart that I write this post and make this very hard decision.
Since I was 18 years old I have been involved with Relay For Life and this year more than any it's been a huge part of my life and I love it but I've decided I kind of let it take over my life more than I'd like. Often times this year I've spent every night of the week working on something for Relay and it's taken a lot out of me and been quite stressful and hard on not only me but my husband, and my apartments cleanliness level has suffered and my dog probably feels neglected.
After suffering from insomnia for nearly 6 months and being prescribed a high dose sleeping pill and it not helping me at all my doctor is recommending I see a counselor. The thing is I know what the counselor is going to say to me they are going to say that I am so stressed that my mind won't shut off at night and I keep replaying in my head what I have to do the next day even if I write down a list.
Well this past week I was brought to a breaking point after not getting even ten minutes of sleep Tuesday night and waking up at 3AM to clean my oven cause well what else was I going to do at 3AM. I decided that day to go to work no matter what. Exhausted and tired I dropped my husband off at his job and started towards the interstate to get to mine I was thinking about how this insomnia has infected my life and been like a poison to my heart.
I found myself blaming God and wondering why this was happening to me as young as I am. At this thought I burst into tears and could not stop sobbing I tried to put on a brave face when I headed into my office but while getting coffee in the breakroom because I needed it so badly I just let the tears fall my boss was great comforting me and telling me I wasn't un-professional even though I was sitting in her office crying my eyes out. It was after this unlovely moment in my life I realized I had to make a change.
So it's after much prayerful thought and consideration that I have decided once this Relay season is over in June I am going to take a year off from Relay. It's just a year and I realize that once it's over I can return but maybe with a better perspective on what I can and cannot do. I often take on too much at once feeling invincible and like I can do it all. I need to learn to limit myself and not let any one thing take over my entire existence which I feel this year I've let Relay do.
So after Relay season my only commitments will be Wilton classes (I do have pics of my clown cake from class yesterday but I haven't uploaded them yet), and piano and I think I'll keep it that way for awhile.
I did get almost everything done last week I didn't get my fundraiser cake made because well I had a melt down instead, but I did get Jeremy's basketball cake made for his boys night and all the rest of the food I know the boys appreciated it and I heard that they all enjoyed it. I didn't get pics of the basketball cake because it got eaten and not by people by my very dumb dog it got left out and so did she on Saturday and she helped herself.
I have plans this week to
make some cupcakes for friends
make my neices b-day cake (I haven't decided on a theme yet)
switch out my St. Patricks day decor for generic spring stuff
practice making roses for Wilton class because right now I'm terrible (I'm thinking I might put roses on the cupcakes for friends just so they don't go to waste)
laundry day on Saturday
and of course making my cake for class and this week is my final cake for course 1 I can't believe it's already over and I can't wait to start course 2.
It is spring break here so most of my Relay committee is out of town and I'm going to take the opportunity besides making a presentation tonight to focus my energies on something besides Relay for awhile.
Don't get my wrong I love volunteering I just feel like the present place I am in my life I need to take more time to spend on growing in my faith, my husband, and keeping my home organized, because when things are right at home things go better in my life over all.
It's just a year I keep telling myself that. This is going to be hard but I really do believe beneficial in the end.